#1.

last tuesday, i make stupid decision that changes my whole world. or literally, ripped my world apart. it was a stupid, illogical action that i make at my hometown, terengganu. i won't tell you what is it that i made but its very life-changing, and it hits me in the head and says,


fazrin, you've changed way too much. and you are an ass now. too stupid for even this body could take.


right after making that very stupid decision, i realize that. i've changed, wayyyyyyyyyyyy too much. then i read back all the post in this blog. yeah, i do change that much. i did not realize it. i don't know, but i really think that going to sydney is the thing that changes me that much. i blame it over culture shock. when i think it over, yeah i think it really is culture shock. these past four months, i did not know what the hell were i'm doing actually in sydney. study? pfft. kiss my sorry ass la study. i don't think i study that much. i think when i went to sydney, i became a robot, but without any function. useless robot, as you know, wander off pointlessly. and that's what i am until yesterday. i know it sounds super stupid, and the reason that i give for that decision is more stupid that i could never be stupider, but i can feel myself again. the man who once a happy-go-lucky person, laughs at stupid jokes, and loves a woman.

before this, the robot doesn't laugh, he doesn't even know what to do with his life. he lives life pointlessly. and most importantly, breaks the heart of his loved one.

if you traverse from post to post from the beginning of this blog, you can really see, that i've changed. to a fucking monster. abomination. now, after that decision was made, i lost my dearest one, and i can feel gruesome hatred from every people i see. heck, they don't even want to talk to me anymore. i don't know how to fix these things. i love her. i really do. i know i don't deserve another chance. i don't even know how to guarantee it to you. but i promise you this.


i'll keep this fazrin here in this very body, and won't let him go even if he has to meet his maker.


i know it sounds like janji manis, but this i promise you.