Mark I
piles of assignments. quizzes. fucks.
so much things to do.
so little time.
yet i understand so little.
i wanted to turn the tables and start studying my ass off. but it seemed that my brain disagrees with me.
this is, by far, the worst procrastination that i've ever made.
sweetheart, you're sadly mistaken.
the reason i'm still writing blog posts is not because i'm a depressed, lonely boy over a girl that he has a crush on. no dear. we have bigger problems than that.
one of the reasons i still hold on to this blog is to see where i am now in my life. i get lost easily, and i need directions. like seriously.
people have lots of different reasons to wake up in the morning. i've just lost mine.
one of the reasons i still hold on to this blog is to see where i am now in my life. i get lost easily, and i need directions. like seriously.
people have lots of different reasons to wake up in the morning. i've just lost mine.
half a fortnight
mindless soul, wandering around this city as other people starts to sleep. looking at the time, it's half past 4 already. and they started playing cards. funny how i got into it after insisting it for quite some time. a card game, a cigarette, a hit. then another game, another stick, another hit. and it's being going for almost a week already. i wonder when will i hit the limit. maybe not for the time being.
Ddean answered the call.
"Halo haloooo~ manoi?"
"satgi la. depa mau gerak pkui ropa?"
"taktau. hg mai la sini dulu"
it always confuses me why i'm always looking for them, and when i'm with them, i just felt like hanging out all alone by myself. stupid mindfuck brain. i just hope for the best for the apocalypse tonight. i need to stock up candies first. amir and yunus finished it all last night -.-
long thoughts and self - reflections wouldn't help me escape this abyss. henceforth i just stopped hoping and started to mingle with this feeling of lostness and despair. emotional as it seemed, i still feel nothing inside. there's a void in my heart. and i don't know how to fill it in. it's hard not to feel all mellow-ish as i haven't felt happy for awhile. satisfied, maybe sometimes. but not happy. happy is when i smile from cheek to cheek (pipi ke pipi) haha.
this feeling is bothersome. but i'm too lazy to do anything with it. i'm lazy to do anything actually. i'm better off dead. but then it would be troublesome for my relatives to attend my funeral later on.
maybe i'm better off to sleep.
Ddean answered the call.
"Halo haloooo~ manoi?"
"satgi la. depa mau gerak pkui ropa?"
"taktau. hg mai la sini dulu"
it always confuses me why i'm always looking for them, and when i'm with them, i just felt like hanging out all alone by myself. stupid mindfuck brain. i just hope for the best for the apocalypse tonight. i need to stock up candies first. amir and yunus finished it all last night -.-
long thoughts and self - reflections wouldn't help me escape this abyss. henceforth i just stopped hoping and started to mingle with this feeling of lostness and despair. emotional as it seemed, i still feel nothing inside. there's a void in my heart. and i don't know how to fill it in. it's hard not to feel all mellow-ish as i haven't felt happy for awhile. satisfied, maybe sometimes. but not happy. happy is when i smile from cheek to cheek (pipi ke pipi) haha.
this feeling is bothersome. but i'm too lazy to do anything with it. i'm lazy to do anything actually. i'm better off dead. but then it would be troublesome for my relatives to attend my funeral later on.
maybe i'm better off to sleep.
saturday
i finally understand what she meant. it's basically just what i had in mind. but i'm just too tired to express sadness.
here you all equally worthless!
how i wish everything is as simple as getting high.
here you all equally worthless!
how i wish everything is as simple as getting high.
joints of junctions
unfamiliar with corsets and names, i still find myself indulged in the complexity of your short and forthcomings. hence the denial.
i didn't go to class again today. and i didn't feel any guilty conscience. i reckon i started to make this a habit of my own. a bad one, that is.
for about a good six years, i didn't notice that she was having a hard time, almost like mellow was her cup of tea. her best friend. and i just happen to know this last night, as i became a true stalker.
despite everything i've read, i still love her deeply. i think i have problems with my own feelings.
T minus 1 second before i started making stupid decisions, again.
i didn't go to class again today. and i didn't feel any guilty conscience. i reckon i started to make this a habit of my own. a bad one, that is.
for about a good six years, i didn't notice that she was having a hard time, almost like mellow was her cup of tea. her best friend. and i just happen to know this last night, as i became a true stalker.
despite everything i've read, i still love her deeply. i think i have problems with my own feelings.
T minus 1 second before i started making stupid decisions, again.
ephemeral
is what i think i'm having these few weeks back. it's funny how some people are actually feeling the same way as you do, despite the fact that he/she didn't even know you're existed.
last week. things started to get crazy the moment Yunus finished his tutorial on Friday evening, and everything went all downhill from there when Amir and the Abercrombies joined -____- bukan salah kau pun Yunus. let it be haha.
i need to step back into reality more often now. i need to take responsibility for everything. lately i've been feeling like, i don't know. sooo empty. i don't get the excitedness of seeing morning sunshine anymore. it's like there's nothing there. nada. i don't think i have any wills left inside me. crushed as i may seem, i still want to live -___- i don't wanna daii. haha. not just yet, insyaAllah.
it's 3.42 am in the morning. and i don't feel sleepy at all. just some random thoughts going in and out of my mind.
this is really not good. what is happening to me?
last week. things started to get crazy the moment Yunus finished his tutorial on Friday evening, and everything went all downhill from there when Amir and the Abercrombies joined -____- bukan salah kau pun Yunus. let it be haha.
i need to step back into reality more often now. i need to take responsibility for everything. lately i've been feeling like, i don't know. sooo empty. i don't get the excitedness of seeing morning sunshine anymore. it's like there's nothing there. nada. i don't think i have any wills left inside me. crushed as i may seem, i still want to live -___- i don't wanna daii. haha. not just yet, insyaAllah.
it's 3.42 am in the morning. and i don't feel sleepy at all. just some random thoughts going in and out of my mind.
this is really not good. what is happening to me?
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