only left a few days until 2012 is over. fuck the mayans.
this is where i start, picking where i left off from the last post. everything seemed not fine with me. i find myself to overthink everything. i think i maybe think too much, perhaps. oh, i'm currently in Malaysia too. my home country. i love how heartwarming it felt everytime i stepped outside the plane, it feels just like home. i don't want to be patriotic here, but somehow i couldn't see the pride of being a malaysian on the society here. maybe if they lived off on other countries for a year or two and came back, they would know that Malaysia's always the best place to live in. despite the traffic jams and whatnot. we can tolerate that, don't we.
enough with philosophies. now for some updates. i currently failed a subject, for which i have the most confidence on scoring, which is physics. yes, physics. no, it is not that easy, but it isn't that hard either. most of the questions that i did on past years came out. perhaps i had low carry marks for that subject. funny thing is, the other three electrical, yes electrical, subjects that i had confidence in failing, i passed. this is, perhaps, how life works. you take matter too easily in your hands, and they'll fuck you up. or perhaps the lecturer mark my paper wrongly somehow. i don't know. well, that accounts for two subjects failed in two years. i need to be stronger than now to sustain another two. i couldn't risk another failure. maybe i'll take winter school next year. and the year after that.
enough with studies. how's my life going, you ask? it sucked. the end.
i hate it when you can imagine all you want, what you want, anything and everything and all that in your head, but at the end of the day, it was all just your sweet fantasy. i need to stop hoping. hoping like a sick idiot. i don't even know where i stand anymore. this may be just a game, but somehow my life was.. i don't know. i don't want to go all emo-ish in this post. emo sucks. everything sucks. i prefer just being here, thinking non-stop about her. okay, stop.
sometimes, breathing also becomes a burden. i think i have lost half my will to live.
